I know you believe what you do. I respect your passion.
But that was before me.
I hear the words you send out there in social media. I see your crowd. Your crowd consists of many of the leaders I looked up to while I was growing up. Your crowd was responsible for my spiritual well being, the inner core which moves us around this virtual plane.
You have told me that you loved me. You said you were proud of me. I believed it. I put you on a pedestal. I thought you were the most positive human being on the face of the planet. You were my dad. I wanted to be just a fraction of that.
But that was before me.
I can’t exactly say when it all unraveled. It’s been a slow process over the years.
Was it the post about transgender people ‘being predators’ in the bathroom debate? You do realize one of your children is trans? Do you actually think I am a danger to my children?
Maybe it was sharing the posts of someone who defends pedophila? Yes. An actual defender of pedophila. Not the made up evangelical version where they’re looking for a non-existent boogie man.
Or maybe it was the posts making fun of black people? Or the posts glorifying a man willing to torture children into conformity? But yet you preach the word on Sunday, confident no one will care about these things….. and you’re right.
They don’t care. We have made THIS all normal and acceptable. We find it okay to humiliate and tear other people down because they may not look like us or act like us or believe like us. How do I know? I used to be one of them.
But that was before me.
Do you think all those horrible things about me now? I’m a liberal, black lives matter supporting, transgender woman in a same sex marriage. You may not say I am horrible, but your words and actions and associations say something different.
Just thinking of this makes me this angry. I don’t want to be. I don’t know what else to be….. But I thank you.
I can now see all the guilt and shame I felt wasn’t any fault of mine. I look at your crowd and see them for who they truly are. Human. Broken. Misled. Seeing what I see now of these people, I finally have what I need. Closure. Thank you.
In all honesty, I have learned what it means to be a good parent in because of what I didn’t see in you. Because of you, I learned what not to be. Yes, my words are harsh. They are meant to be. Yes, you also have some wonderful traits I love and adore. It’s what I’ve always seen. It’s what I have never given up on.
Now I need you to know I have always been willing to meet you halfway. What I desperately need is for you to understand where you were and where you need to be going. I need you to be a parent who honestly and legitimately loves and cares for your children. Both of them. Do you understand what this means? Please take the time to ask around. I think you’ll be surprised knowing you’re not alone. You are not the only one dealing with moments of doubt and question.
With every before there is an after. What we make of it will be seen in the days to come.
“The Days To Come” The 77s.
I believe that we’ll come out of this
With a healing compassion or a scarring bitterness
Don’t revive painful times, let them rest
Don’t drag a net through the sea of forgetfulness
The cut was deep, the blood was warm
I can’t deny what it’s done
But if we don’t release the past
We’ll slap the face of the days to come
There’s a hand at the door refusing to leave
Its pulse is throbbing, its heart on its sleeve
It’s a new tomorrow waiting to be received
By somebody ready and willing to believe
The cut was deep, the blood was warm
I can’t deny what it’s done
But if we don’t release the past
We’ll slap the face of the days to come
Remember this melody
Don’t ever let it go away
Sing it to your heart
Day after day after day
The cut was deep, the blood was warm
I can’t deny what it’s done
But if we don’t release the past
We’ll slap the face of the days to come
