The Last Day

This is the last day I will wake up. The last taste of maple syrup. The last look back.

It’s been rather busy, if I’m permitted to say so.

Let’s see here. Bought a house, had another kid. adopted another cat, made friends, lost friends, started a photography business, said goodbye to my evil soulmate, adopted 2more cats, voted democrat…..

*takes a breath*

While all of that *waves hands around* was happening, I came out, changed my name, had my first medical procedure and my second, and my……all the while surviving the Trump Administration, leaving the church, christianity and oh yeah, I lightened my hair.

But all that is no more.

Am I happy? I shared with you how when after telling someone I was happy, I was told “Christians don’t worry about happiness” but fuck that noise, I am happy. Let’s repeat that for those in the back.

I am happy.

Do I have regrets? Do I? That’s a tough question and one which requires a nuanced answer. I have a lot of regrets. If I said I was only happy, I’d be completely self absorbed. Regrets are the guardrails of life. To me life without regret reminds me of one of my favorite quotes.

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”
George Santayana, The Life of Reason, 1905

Have I learned anything? What is the purpose of all of this?

I’ve learned it’s okay to be broken. I’ve learned letting go is essential. I’ve learned no matter what I need to keep loving. It’s taken quite a bit this far. Over half of a lifetime. I believe it’s growth. Good lord, this adulting thing never ceases to amaze me.

As I close my eyes one last time, I remind myself Tomorrow is the day. Tomorrow it starts all over again.

See you in another ten years. It will great to catch up.

Love, 49